A Little Update on Life

The other day I got a lovely Skype message from a friend saying, "Guess who hasn't updated her blog in 2 months?" and it was then that I realized it might be time for another update.

I suppose the best place to start is where I left off. After Brazil, life went back to "normal" which I must say is quite different for an IMPACT 360 student than anyone else. In the month of March we heard from Del Tackett, John Stonestreet, Mark Liederbach, and Ed Bort and studied God's design for social order, bioethics, marriage and sexual ethics, and the problem of pain and suffering. We also went on Biblical Manhood and Biblical Womanhood retreats where we learned more about what it meant to live in the role that God has placed us in and to fully embrace what the Bible says about manhood and womanhood. While the men were away on their retreat, the women ruled campus and had a blast! We had a GNO (Girl's Night Out) murder mystery where we all dressed up and acted out different parts. I was a fairy princess heiress, which I must say was quite fun to play! And then we also did an SLP (Service Learning Project) in LaGrange helping out a woman's shelter. While the women were gone on their retreat, the men had fun watching Braveheart and eating steak for their GNO and helping out Toni Branyon with a block party for their SLP. Everyone also traveled up to Fayetteville to help out with Fayette county's D-Now towards the beginning of March.

And now for the month of April: spring break started us off, and I think it definitely gave me a little taste of what after-IMPACT life would be like. It was difficult being away from my new "family" but surely we were reunited on the 11th. During the month of April we only had one guest professor come in who was Glandion Carney and he talked about the celebration of discipline. For one week during this month, we were split into two different groups. Fifteen students and most of the staff went on the adventure module where they went backpacking and learned about the fear of God. The other ten students had the opportunity to go to Charlotte, North Carolina and work at a Chick-fil-a grand opening. Because most of us had never worked at a Chick-fil-a before, we were put on the marketing team and got to spend the week passing out coupons, being the Chick-fil-a cow (and baby cow!), going to school events, and even driving around new Mini Cooper convertibles for publicity! Unfortunately Dan Cathy wasn't able to meet us out there, but we did have the privileged of working with some incredibly amazing people (Art, Kerrie, Rob, and Dean)! On the 26 and 27th of April, we had our final presentations at Chick-fil-a corporate. Each of us had to pick an ethical issue, choose a stance on it, and support the issue or an alternative using the Chick-fil-a SERVE leadership module and three principles from Henry and Richard Blackaby's book Spiritual Leadership. I chose to talk about third party contributors to procreation (that being egg donors, sperm donors, and surrogate mothers) and contrasted it with the alternative of traditional adoption. This was by far my favorite project and paper done at IMPACT 360, and I feel like it definitely was confirmation that I am being called to adopt children later on in life. The month of April finished up with our commissioning retreat where we basically wrapped up the year (which was very sad for all of us!).

The first week of May (my last week at IMPACT 360) was definitely a bitter-sweet time. It was very sad to say goodbye to the best friends I have ever made; however, it was also very exciting to know that I am now going out into the world to take this knowledge I have gained and share it! May 7th was our commissioning , and our final day at IMPACT 360. Since then, I have been enjoying a little down time at home before I head off to Winshape Camp where I will be working this summer as a counselor for 5-6th grade girls. I will also be teaching swimming, indoor rock climbing, and tennis (which is subject to change considering I have never played tennis before in my life!). I can't wait for this summer and to take advantage of the opportunity I have to pour into the lives of twenty young girls! Please pray for me as I am away from May 26-July 31 that God will give me the words to say to these young girls and the wisdom to be the most effective witness for Him. After camp I will come home for a couple of weeks (with a visit back to IMPACT 360 for alumni reunion) and then I will head out to Mississippi State University where I plan to spend the next four years. As of right now, I plan on majoring in math so that I can be a math teacher for middle schoolers. I really feel like God has given me a heart for that age group as well as an unusual passion for math, and I plan to use both of those to bring Him glory and honor and praise all the days of my life!

A Snapshot of Brazil

While I was in Brazil I was given the opportunity to serve God through providing church services, working alongside volunteer staff at a camp, witnessing through door-to-door evangelism, planning and providing children’s programs, ministering to orphaned children, and taking care of injured friends. The first Friday night at camp, while I was participating in some of the games, I sprained my ankle pretty severely, and after walking around on it all day Saturday, it had only gotten worse and was incredibly bruised and swollen. That night before going to bed, I prayed that God would somehow provide a way for me to be able to participate with all of the camp activities despite my sprained ankle, and when I woke up on Sunday morning, it had been completely healed. Never before have I had a prayer answered so miraculously, and it was truly amazing to see God’s power in this way that I had never seen it displayed before.

A few days before we arrived at camp, Nathan McFarland had fallen and hit his back leaving some of the muscles damaged. Not knowing the extent of his injury, he continued to run around and play just as hard as he normally would, which only caused more damage to his back. By the second week of camp Nathan had to spend most of his days in bed because of his severe muscle pain. After spending much time in prayer over Nathan’s hurt back, I began to get very frustrated because everything seemed to only get worse. Our last Friday at camp, he spent the whole day in bed and things were looking rather grim for our travels the next day. While Nathan was hurt, we would ask him to rate his pain on a scale of one, being a slight discomfort, through ten, which was nearly passing out, and most of the day he had been around a seven or an eight. Throughout the whole day I had been praying for him, and as I was sitting next to his cot that evening, I felt that God was telling me to lay my hands on Nathan’s back as I prayed. I did so because I knew that it was definitely God speaking to me and not just a random thought that had popped into my head, and after I had finished praying, I left to go pack my belongings for the next leg of the trip. When I had finished packing about fifteen minutes later, I returned to Nathan’s bedside where he informed me that he had dropped from an eight on the pain scale down to a three. I knew that the only explanation was God’s great power, and I was so excited to see that God really did have His hand in all of this pain. Things were finally starting to look really good, and Nathan was noticeably feeling much better. But then just an hour later, his pain started returning and before we knew it was back up at an eight. This really puzzled me because I had thought God was finally listening to our prayers and starting to heal Nathan.

After looking back on it all, I realized that God did not want me to lay hands on Nathan so that he could be healed, but rather so that God could show me He was still in control. It was as if God was telling me, “I may not be answering your prayers in exactly the ways you would like them to be answered, but I am still in control over this situation. And I still have the power and ability to take away his pain whenever I chose to do so.” I still do not understand why Nathan was in so much pain, and why he still is not completely healed, but I am able to confidently say that God is in control of the situation and has been the entire time. Sometimes God chooses to display His might and power to us, and other times He may prefer to take a little more time, but either way God still hears our prayers and still does whatever is best for the situation at hand. One song that we sing a lot at Impact is called “Arms That Hold the Universe,” and some of my favorite lines in that song say, “And the arms that hold the universe are holding you tonight, you can rest inside, it’s going to be alright.” Throughout this whole experience with Nathan’s injury, I was really able to learn the truth in this and that no matter what, even when we cannot see it very clearly, God is still in control and still holds us in His arms.

Live in Tension

So many times when we are witnessing to nonbelievers, we try to do it on our own terms. We have tracts, nifty little Bible-verse salvation plans, and even arguments to prove God’s existence, and we often approach people with these methods we’re acquired when trying to witness. In no way do I believe that it is wrong to have these methods all planned out and ready to whip out, however, I do not believe that it is the way in which we should approach people. We need to meet people on their terms, be incarnated. Too often we try to make witnessing about us: about what we know and how we can “help” people. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe this “help” that you are trying to offer is actually hurting people? That’s what happens when we try to live in our comfort zone.
We make ministry about us, we want to do what we know we can do. We as Christians are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. We need to love our neighbor AS ourselves - not like ourselves, as ourselves. Comfort is what we want for ourselves, so why not provide that for our unbelieving neighbor? Though it is definitely possible, it is rare to find a witnessing situation where both parties remain comfortable the entire time. So what does that mean for us? In order to give our neighbor what we would want for ourselves, comfort, we must sacrifice our own comfort. More often than not, both parties cannot be completely comfortable, and we need to be the ones to sacrifice for our neighbor. We must live in tension.

Live to be Forgotten

Many Americans today would say that their biggest goals include fame or status of some sort, however, this is not the kind of life that we have been called to as Christians. We are called to live an invisible life, unnoticed. This may seem shocking to many of you, and until you fully grasp the concept of this message, that is totally understandable. So often we think “if only I had the popularity, then I could tell the whole world about Jesus!” I do not believe there’s anything wrong with this idea, but perhaps from the point of view it is coming from is where there is error. We are not called to seek after fame as Christians. Rather, we need to put our complete and total trust in God and let him take us where he wants to. The reason I find error in saying “if only I had the popularity….” is because then we are focusing on ourselves – “if only I….”
We need to rather be so focused on Jesus that when people look at us, they only see him. Then, we will not need to desire fame as an opportunity to witness; we will already have that influence by the time we get there. Think of any famous, godly evangelist you know today. Did he acquire fame and then start preaching the gospel? I would assume that would be very unlikely. Rather, he probably started spreading his witness in a small neighborhood and grew from there. We should desire not fame as a means. What we should desire is to be so consumed with Jesus Christ that when people look at us, they only see him. We must hide our lives in Christ so that we may appear with him in glory.

Colossians 3: 3-4

“For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

A Memory I Can Only Wish Would Fade

I remember it like it was yesterday, not even yesterday, it feels like I am experiencing it all over again right now. It was Monday, a beautiful summer evening, not too hot, but warm enough to know that it was summer time in Atlanta, Georgia. I had been having a pretty rough weekend, and I had really started feeling overwhelmed Saturday afternoon. Sunday was only worse, and Monday came with no improvement. But then Monday night, the Braves game with my youth group. Turner Field was like my home away from home - well for the summer time anyways. I knew that my ill mood would hinder my experience at the game, so I shoved it aside with great difficulty. While walking towards the stadium, my youth pastor asked me “Hey Bethany, how are you doing with everything? I’ve heard things are starting to get pretty bad.” Fighting for composure, I forced a smile and said “It’s been a rough weekend, but I’m not going to let me get bogged down tonight - I’m here to watch ball!” I had to keep repeating that in my head over and over again, hoping that I would begin to believe these words. “Just hold on until tomorrow,” I kept telling myself, “tomorrow you’ll go visit and then everything will be ok.”
The first two innings are now a blur, I was too busy fighting back worry and tears to really pay attention to the game. Then, at the end of the top of the third the call came. My friend, who was sitting a few rows behind me, came and sat next to me. Obviously holding back tears, she looked at me and said, “He’s gone. I just got the call, and he’s gone.” Have you ever seen a movie where time stands still? That was exactly how I felt at this moment. It was like the world was moving in slow motion, soundless as I sat trying not to believe what I had just heard. I became faint and thought I was about to lose consciousness, but then my friend, the same one who broke the news, helped me walk out of the bleachers to the walkway around the stadium. I lost control; I started shaking uncontrollably and wailing so loudly that Turner Field employees nearly called an ambulance for me. Normally, I would never cry in front of people, much less in a very public place. But now I did not even care. I let it all out.
After nearly an hour of weeping uncontrollably, the calls began. Those dreaded calls. Being one of the first to find out, I felt a responsibility to start informing people of what had happened. “Hey, it’s Bethany. I thought I should let you know that he passed around 7:45 this evening.... I’m so sorry.... When I hear more details I’ll let you know.” I repeated that message for what seemed like an eternity. By the time I finished, I felt numb. Then I would remember, “Tomorrow. I was going to see him tomorrow. I knew things were bad and was going to say goodbye tomorrow. Tomorrow.”
Finally, by the seventh inning stretch, I had made all my phone calls and composed myself enough to at least go sit with the group again. Nobody really talked to me, and, honestly, I kind of preferred it to be that way. I just sat there in silence with tears rolling down my cheeks for the next two and a half innings.
The Braves won that night. The fans cheered. The fireworks launched. The celebrations continued. The world continued. That was perhaps the hardest thing for me to grasp. How could the world continue on like nothing had happened? My world seemed to be crashing around me. One of my closest friends, who practically saved my life was no longer there. Gone. How could the rest of the world continue on as normal?
I still do not know the answer to that question, and I still feel the sting just as strong when I remember the words “He’s gone. I just got the call and he’s gone.” I still feel the guilt of not going to the hospital sooner, and I still blame myself for not praying hard enough. I know in my head that there was nothing I could have done to save him, but my heart continually tells me, “if only you had done more, then he would still be here with you.”
I wish I could say that things got brighter: that his death made me stronger and that I have been able to use it for good. To a degree, I suppose those things did happen, but not enough to count as anything significant - not enough to counteract everything he could have done if he were still here. Why he was taken so early, I suppose I will never know. But for now, there is nothing I can do but continue living on.

Thomas Alan Broadwater, you are dearly missed and loved. 4 December 1991 - 8 June 2009

Don't rest in peace, worship in peace.

Shine Brighter

Here’s an exercise for you: In a room without windows, open the door and turn on every light in the room and then measure the radius of light that one of the lights appears to be giving off. Next, close the door and turn off every light except the one light that you measured. Now measure again the radius of light that one light appears to be giving off. See the difference? A single light appears so much brighter and is much more evident when there is more darkness surrounding it. How can this simple observation apply to our lives, and specifically our lives as Christians? We are called to be a light to the world and to witness to those who live in darkness. Missionaries have been sent all to most of the world and in many places Christian influences can be found, but we are called to continue reaching and expanding even into the dark areas. It is good to build and strengthen churches that already exist, but our light will seem brighter and have a more noticeable difference in a place where only darkness exists. I believe that we as Christians are called to reach those places in complete darkness before spending our focus on existing Christian communities and churches. It is our duty to ensure that every area of the globe has at been touched by light and then strengthen the not as bright areas until the world is growing in unison and praising God together.

Seek the Willing

So often I know that I’ve been incredibly discouraged when a friend wouldn’t receive the gospel and becomes resistant. Something that I’ve struggled with is spending too much time on those whose hearts are hardened instead of utilizing that time with ones who are willing to hear the gospel. I believe Jesus modeled this perfectly when he was choosing his disciples. As he was calling people to be his disciples, he chose the willing. Everyone that the Bible mentions him calling out to came and followed him. However, when people such as the rich young ruler and the man who wished to burry his father. When they sought Jesus out and asked him questions, and he answered them. But when they responded with resistance to what Jesus said to them, he did not waste his time on them but rather spent it speaking to those who were truly willing to hear whole-heartedly what he had to say.